When your child wants to quit music lessons

Almost every child who learns an instrument says "I want to stop" at some point. Sometimes it is a bad week, sometimes a real signal. Before you decide, find out what is behind it.

First, find out why

In 2024, researchers at the Universities of Ljubljana and Maribor held focus groups with six pupils who had left Slovenian music schools, plus their parents and teachers. It is a small study, but its findings will sound familiar:

• "It's too hard." Pupils who felt they could not keep up, or were disappointed after an exam, lost confidence.
• "It's boring." Some found lessons dull, especially with little chance to play alongside others.
• "I don't like the music." Pupils often wanted music closer to what they listen to.
• "I'm too busy." Busy afternoons were the outside reason mentioned most, and one teacher said music school is usually the first thing to go.
• "It's not for me." Some realised they had chosen the wrong instrument. Others did not get on well with their teacher.

The researchers concluded that a child's sense of choice and of being capable was central. Children who carried on mainly because their parents wanted them to felt less in control and more stressed.

Pick a calm moment, not straight after a difficult practice. "Which part do you not enjoy?" and "What do you still like?" usually tell you more than "Why?"

Is it a plateau?

Progress is rarely smooth. When one piece takes weeks and nothing seems to improve, children often want to stop, and teachers often find the feeling passes once the tricky skill clicks. If your child still plays for fun now and then, or is mainly frustrated with one piece, a plateau is a likely explanation.

Talk to the teacher

Teachers hear "I want to quit" often and would rather know early. Share what your child told you, without blame. A teacher may be able to:

• swap a piece your child dislikes for one they choose
• add music they enjoy, such as a film or game tune
• break a hard piece into smaller weekly goals
• suggest a duet, group class or ensemble if your child misses playing with others

Choice can make a real difference. In a well-known case study by Renwick and McPherson, a nine-year-old clarinettist spent around eleven times longer per note on a piece she had chosen herself than on her teacher's pieces, and used more thoughtful practice strategies on it.

Try a short agreement

If there is no single problem to fix, a time-limited agreement can help everyone. For example: "Let's carry on until the end of term, with one piece you choose, and then decide together." Agree it with your child rather than imposing it, and note when you will review it. This is common teacher advice rather than tested research, but it gives your child a say and gives changes time to work. A simple weekly chart, such as the free ones on Music-Ready's free printables page, can help you both see how it is going.

How children picture their future in music matters too. A ten-year study by teams at the Universities of Melbourne and New South Wales followed 157 children who began aged seven to nine. Those who expected to keep playing into adulthood reached a higher standard, even when they practised as much as their peers. The researchers concluded that neither commitment nor practice alone is enough.

When stopping is fine

Stopping is common. A study of more than 3,300 secondary pupils in the UK and Germany estimated that about half had stopped music lessons and other musical activities by the age of 17. The authors suggest other interests compete more as children grow.

If your child has had a fair try with changes in place and still dreads every lesson, if practice causes constant arguments, or if they have found something else they truly care about, it is fine to stop. It is not a failure. The same study found that a musical home was linked to lower dropout, so keep listening to music together and going to concerts.

If you do stop, end well: a last piece for the family, a thank you to the teacher, and an open door. Many people come back to music later.